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[pharaoh]

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THAT
THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE
BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED "DADł.

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE
LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

Dear Dad,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO
ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH
MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS
SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE
CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHEšS PREGNANT AND
BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER,
AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS
A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE
CHILDREN WITH ME AND THATšS NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND
WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES, AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL
THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE
WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA GETS BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT, SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,
JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I
JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT
CARD WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.

I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

[duksyy]

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